Yukon River, Red Cross scan
I recently read an article on another blog which posted something very similar to what is below, and so I looked for a source link. My comments shall be in regular font.
http://www.stupidquestions.org/courtroom-humor.htm
Courtroom Humor
These gems are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
The judge could be thinking that he/she has a smart mouth on his/her hands. I doubt that it is usually a good tactic for a witness to take, whether intentional or not.
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Hmm, would the judge and/or jury begin to doubt the intelligence of the witness?
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Umm, I have forgotten what you just asked...say again.
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
This answer sounds like it is from a potential Jerry Springer guest.
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Perhaps this is relevant...Exodus 20:14 from the NASB
You shall not commit adultery.
Also Matthew 5:27-28, as lust can be a problem for many, especially us males. I suppose it could have been worse if the husband said "Where am I, Larry?"
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Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
There used to be a roller hockey team here called the Vancouver Voodoo. As far as I know, the Voodoo were not owned by Tom Vu.
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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
That was a poorly worded question. But, of course the lawyer did pass the exam, and so the answer is perhaps not as witty as it first appears.
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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
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Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Sadly in London, Chucky and I saw a bearded woman on the London Underground back in 1995. Later on that same trip in Birmingham, Chucky was shaving while I was watching television and I mentioned that he would not look as bad as that bearded lady if he did not shave, and within seconds she was on the television promoting a festival in Edinburgh. That was one of the weirdest things to ever happen to me.
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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
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Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
I like that final answer.
If you type in the term 'french military victories' in Google and click on 'I'm feeling lucky', it should come up with the following...
Did you mean: french military defeats
http://thekingpin68.blogspot.com/2008/02/impassibility-does-god-suffer.html
And now for something else stupid:
I continually receive these emails from entities attempting to convince me they represent a major Canadian bank. I do not, and have not had accounts with BMO or TD. I would not respond to these emails if I did. The letter is 'well-written' too.
PROTECTING YOUR ACCOUNT
Due to concerns, for the safety and integrity of the BMO Bank of Montreal Online Service we have issued this warning message.
As a result of too many incorrect attempts to access and Login failures,
Please note that Your Bank of Montreal Online Account has been terminated. In order for it to remain active,
Please use the link below to proceed and restore access to Your Account:
Restore access to Your Account now!
Thank You.
Bank of Montreal Bank.
Accounts Management As outlined in our User Agreement, BMO Bank of Montreal® will periodically send you information about site changes and enhancements.
Visit our Privacy Policy and User Agreement if you have any questions.
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