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Boundless
Cited
'Host: Lisa Anderson
GUESTS: Candice Watters
[3:22] - He's much older than she. He keeps asking her to do things with his friends. She's not interested, but doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Is there a way to let him down kindly, but once and for all? Candice Watters offers advice.'
End Citations
I am not looking for conflict here, I am reviewing in an academic context and seeking truth, not in perfect objectivity but seeking objectivity.
After emailing Focus on the Family, I was placed on their email list and it links to this interesting site and program. As well, I have emailed both the host and guest counsellor separately on this issue in general terms.
I admit, I reason I can learn from the site and program.
As with other books and audio I have commented on there is agreement and disagreement.
I very much agree with the host and guest counsellor that a person not interested in a relationship, a relationship of any kind, should not be further pursued.
In the story presented, the man should back off permanently.
I also agree with the host that women should not show mixed signals to men that have showed interest in them.
A rejection, if necessary, should be final and one should not dabble with the person rejected in thought and action.
Even if in secret.
If in Christ, a rejection was made in haste and there is rejection remorse still months and years later, then a prayerful reconsideration of the rejection may need to take place
Perhaps repentance.
All Christians, including myself need to repent at times.
It should be no surprise that some in Christ need to repent in the area of romantic interest, at times, in light of the inner and external spiritual darkness associated with romantic love.
No surprise at all...
The Boundless guest counsellor was very annoyed that men twenty years older would even show interest in younger women.
(By the way, in contrast, in all the Christian counselling I took at Columbia Bible College, I was taught that the counsellor should remain rather objective and non-emotional when counselling.)
It can be deduced this would be the case in every instance with the guest counsellor's view, not just the case discussed where the man seemingly was not accepting rejection.
The guest counsellor stated this incident placed her almost over the edge.
The guest counsellor stated the act by the man was creepy.
Many readers from a Western context would connect the act with the man and view him also as creepy.
A creep.
Is a single man twenty years older necessarily committing a creepy act by pursuing someone younger that is a legal adult and of child-bearing age? (1 Corinthians 7, Matthew 5).
Is he a creep?
Where is the evidence?
(She just assumes--ass u me, as was taught to me by my trainer with my first insurance job.)
Where does the Scripture state this view?
Or is this more an American, North American and Western philosophical and cultural construct?
The guest counsellor view seemed at least to some degree:
Unbiblical
Unbalanced
An overreaction
The pre-set bias of at least some of the Focus On the Family counsellors and psychologists is demonstrated here.
By my deduction and reasoning, a typical American Evangelical perhaps fundamentalistic, Focus psychologist would state in regard to a younger woman in a potential relationship to a man 10+ years older, the problem would be a lack of similar relationship experience, interests and life goals.
Even if there was mutual spiritual, intellectual and romantic attraction.
Therefore, the relationship should not be considered.
However, if I could object with the counter...
My relationship experience is limited and therefore similar to someone much younger, and I may have similar interests and life goals as someone younger.
For example, I still want to be married with a family in a Biblical model. God willing.
Therefore, the relationship should be considered, where there is mutual spiritual, intellectual and romantic attraction.
I reason this would be largely ignored by Focus professionals, due to pre-set bias and views and could be countered with...
Anyone, 35 years of age+ that does not have significant relationship experience must be significantly psychological, perhaps spiritually, flawed.
(This may be alluded to and not clearly stated.)
The person under review needs counselling.
(By the way, I have friends in counselling and psychology and no one that knows me well has seriously criticized my views.)
(It is only some rare outsiders that do.)
Therefore, the relationship should not be considered.
But I would counter...
This a mere assumption.
The post-Christian era is among us.
Christianity and the Church in decline.
Numbers of Christians low, especially in BC and Canada.
The Evangelical church has lost its ways theologically in many cases.
The number of available committed, theological Christians of any age is significantly limited.
Biblical Christians should consider more reasonable, Biblical options.
Therefore, the relationship should not be rejected as a possibility due to lack of relationship experience of the older man.
Now, I do not want to use an accident fallacy.
Generally most younger women will not be attracted to older men.
I hold to:
'WOTT'
Waste Of Time Theory
In other words, I do not believe in wasting my time pursuing any kind of relationship where the other does not show significant mutual interest.
Interestingly, I just connected again with a Christian friend I had not seen since 1986 and so I also reason that situations can change over time.
Business Insider October 23 2015
Cited
'9 ways to start a conversation with absolutely anyone'
Cited
'Ask a hypothetical question. These can be great conversation starters, but try to tie them into something happening at the event or in current events to avoid seeming too random. You might say something like, "I just saw this movie where all the laws were revoked for one day. What would you do if there were no laws for a day?"'
Seriously?
A philosophical question in regard to law and ethics?
We might as well just do the tie in to the free will and determinism debate as icebreaker...
