Saturday, December 30, 2017

Questions asked: Official and satirical answers

Virginia: Travel+Leisure

Questions asked: Official and satirical answers

I very much appreciate the government health care, to be clear.

Questions from nurse and care worker (paraphrased)

As we come four times a day to provide peri-care for the Boss, would you consider providing peri-care at night when we are closed? Other family members do it....

Me: Real answer 

No, I have stated from the beginning of this process that that is not my calling. I deal with the finances, prepare three meals a day, do two-four loads of wash a day, purchase groceries and medicine for the Boss, medicate the Boss, and play garbage man. I also play Yahtzee with the Boss.

I suggest that workers arrive as soon as possible in the morning and as late as possible in the evening.

Thank you.

Satirical answer (Not stated)

Are you kidding me?

I am already grossed out as it is and I also work in academia.

How would you like to earn a European, PhD in Theology and Philosophy of Religion?

Not your calling?

Thought so...

If I desired to be a nurse I would strive to be Florence Nightingale...

Questions from two students of mine (paraphrased)

We should just pay you and cut out the middle man! What do you think? You could provide a better deal?

Me: Real answer

(After they told me how much the institution receives).

Hmm, well my hourly wage is good, but the institution certainty takes a big cut. At this point, I lack the infrastructure to start my own institution, but perhaps in the future.

Satirical answer (Stated)

Of course I am helpful; I am good with the all the education I have endured.

Well, the institution certainly has some knowledge I do not, at present. but with me being a primarily English writer and speaker, it certainty has its advantages when assisting foreign students in the Vancouver area.

(They laugh)