Graham: “The Kingdom of God should triumph. Men should be men and women should be women. And God will give his enemies their just deserts at the End, which will come very, very soon, inshallah.”
Federal officials to force new recommended .001 intoxication limits on states
Politics May 15, 2013 Comments: 6 drunk-drivingThe federal government recommended today that states lower the legal driving limit of intoxication to .001 blood alcohol content after being pressured by Mothers Against Intoxicated Driving “MAID.”
“We oppose anyone driving while impaired for any reason” said MAID spokesperson Clara Walker. She further stated “anyone who would oppose this sensible new limit of .001 is simply a supporter of drunk driving.”
Federal officials plan to force the new recommended limit on stated by attaching the regulation to receiving highway funds. Being that the United States constitution does not grant the federal government jurisdiction over the matter, officials have devised a way to circumvent this by pledging to withhold highway funding from states unless they implement the regulation.
Local resident Sheila McCurry, mother of four, stated that she opposed lowering the limit, stating “I weigh 120 pounds, if I have just one drink with dinner, I can’t drive home because I’m then legally intoxicated, even though I’m not actually impaired.”
Bob Walters, the town drunk, stated that he was in favor of the measure because “it would give me a better chance of not getting caught since the police are having to spend more time arresting people due to the lowered limit.”
NYPD Chief of Police Dalton Driver expressed enthusiasm upon hearing of the new proposal, saying “with these new limits we can keep the roads safer and the budgets bigger with all of the new money the law will bring in from fines and court fees.”
Head Administrators of the nation’s prison system have also shown support of the measure, citing the need for increased cheap labor.
No word yet on when or if the new rule will go into effect.
By: George M. Spooner George may be contacted via email at tribuneheraldnews@gmail.com
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill..'
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'' The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.' The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?' The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad..'
was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts. After visiting several homes, she commented on the different styles of doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled.
We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like.
At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house, the church tower began to chime. She wheeled around with a look of amazement on her face. "Now that's a doorbell!"
…..Doc’s Daily Chuckle (pkaine@roadrunner.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
Franklin Graham converts to Islam! April Fools!
ReplyDeleteGraham: “The Kingdom of God should triumph. Men should be men and women should be women. And God will give his enemies their just deserts at the End, which will come very, very soon, inshallah.”
ReplyDeleteJust deserts?
Wasn't there a movie about Chucky?
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ReplyDeleteFederal officials to force new recommended .001 intoxication limits on states
Politics May 15, 2013 Comments: 6
drunk-drivingThe federal government recommended today that states lower the legal driving limit of intoxication to .001 blood alcohol content after being pressured by Mothers Against Intoxicated Driving “MAID.”
“We oppose anyone driving while impaired for any reason” said MAID spokesperson Clara Walker. She further stated “anyone who would oppose this sensible new limit of .001 is simply a supporter of drunk driving.”
Federal officials plan to force the new recommended limit on stated by attaching the regulation to receiving highway funds. Being that the United States constitution does not grant the federal government jurisdiction over the matter, officials have devised a way to circumvent this by pledging to withhold highway funding from states unless they implement the regulation.
Local resident Sheila McCurry, mother of four, stated that she opposed lowering the limit, stating “I weigh 120 pounds, if I have just one drink with dinner, I can’t drive home because I’m then legally intoxicated, even though I’m not actually impaired.”
Bob Walters, the town drunk, stated that he was in favor of the measure because “it would give me a better chance of not getting caught since the police are having to spend more time arresting people due to the lowered limit.”
NYPD Chief of Police Dalton Driver expressed enthusiasm upon hearing of the new proposal, saying “with these new limits we can keep the roads safer and the budgets bigger with all of the new money the law will bring in from fines and court fees.”
Head Administrators of the nation’s prison system have also shown support of the measure, citing the need for increased cheap labor.
No word yet on when or if the new rule will go into effect.
By: George M. Spooner
George may be contacted via email at tribuneheraldnews@gmail.com
Pupil: "Teacher, can a fellow be punished for something he hasn't done?"
ReplyDeleteTeacher: "No, of course not."
Pupil: "That's good, because I haven't done my homework."
…..Mikey’s Funnies (http://www.mikeysFunnies.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net
At Sunday School they were teaching how God
ReplyDeletecreated everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they
told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying
down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?'
Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
ReplyDeletewith her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy
father and thy mother,' she asked,
'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
'Thou shall not kill..'
An elderly woman died last month.
ReplyDeleteHaving never married, she requested no male
pallbearers.
In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote,
'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive,
I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
ReplyDeletewhispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, 'Because white is the color
of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said,
'So why is the groom wearing black?'
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school
ReplyDeleteafter hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, 'What do you think about
all this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how
Santa Claus turned out.
It's probably just your Dad..'
Good Day!
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ReplyDeletewas accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts. After visiting several homes, she commented on the different styles of doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled.
ReplyDeleteWe made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like.
At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house, the church tower began to chime. She wheeled around with a look of amazement on her face. "Now that's a doorbell!"
…..Doc’s Daily Chuckle (pkaine@roadrunner.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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